apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
