id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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