why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
