he shaved USA in his pubs
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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