I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
