I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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