I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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