There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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