It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
