Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
