The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We had to coat check the pizza.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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