I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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