We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
