Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
