last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
