Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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