If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
