the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
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She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
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"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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