and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"