And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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