My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush