Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"