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a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
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