meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
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I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.