puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
