O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
