I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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