dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
