I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize