she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
