i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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