YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
