What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
