I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
