Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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