You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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