i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
