If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
