I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
