Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
