I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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