But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
