Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize