his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The air taste purple.
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