I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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