I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
that may or may not have been my penis.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
