dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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