he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
