Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
