I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
