Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
