Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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