apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
