I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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