me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
