i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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