i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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