what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
