i can't believe i had my finger in that
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You've changed since you got that strap on
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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