Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
