..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Randomize
