I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
