life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
