His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
