i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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