Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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