just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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