What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
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The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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