Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
When are your genitals available?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
