Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
