Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
