I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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