so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
