I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
