I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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