we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
