I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My balls are so social today.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
