well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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