i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The police scanner is talking about you again....
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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