meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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