you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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