just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
