What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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