i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
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the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
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I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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