i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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