My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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