Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
