You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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