just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
