You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
